Whom to Blame?

In the aftermath of the shooting down of a Chinook helicopter over Afghanistan, the question must be asked as to whom to blame.

For where did the Afghanis, who historically have been nothing more than simple herdsmen, get the technology and the know-how to shoot down a plane?

Find the answer to this and you've found whom to blame.

Worth It

President Bush last night told the nation that the sacrifices made during the Iraq war were "worth it."

How true. For none of 15,000 American casualties in the war were related to President Bush, Vice-President Cheney, Secretary of State Rice, Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld, former Deputy Secretary of Defense Wolfowitz, former Secretary of State Powell, former Attorney General Ashcroft, or any member of Congress, of either party, who supported the war.

Folly can hear Bob Dylan's raspy voice . . . "When you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose."

Regime Change

American deity Oprah Winfrey was shocked last week when a Paris boutique refused her entry to their store.

Just because it was after hours is no excuse for not catering to the whim of a celebrity. Did they not realize she is what Dostoevsky called an "extraordinary person," a super human above the petty societal restrictions "ordinary people" must follow?

If the refusal to kill Iraqis wasn't sufficient rationale for regime change in France, this should provide the necessary justification for the Bush Administration.

After all, wasn't this insult of far more import than the one that started World War I?

It's Their Problem

US Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said yesterday that insurgency's "last throes," as Vice-President Cheney so aptly put it, could last more than 12 years. However, he said, it'll be the Iraqis' responsibility for ending it.

And so it should. After all, America holds no responsibility for instigating the insurgency, so why should they be the ones to crush it?

Folly hopes that when the US pulls out, someone puts a nice basin of fresh water on Mr. Rumsfeld's desk, so he can comfortably wash his hands.

Resist

Yesterday at the World Tribunal on Iraq, former US Air Force pilot Tim Goodrich called on US troops in Iraq to "resist" the orders of their superiors in what he called an "illegal war."

Folly recommends that all soldiers heed Mr. Goodrich's call.

Of course, unlike you, Mr. Goodrich will not have to spend time in a military prison. But he'll be sure to send you a thank you card when you get there.

A Man of Conscience

In a stunning act of betrayal, Rep. Walter Jones, who once courageously ordered Capitol cafeterias to change the name of "french fries" to "freedom fries," offered a resolution before the House to withdraw US troops from Iraq.

And what caused this change of heart?

It seems Rep. Jones has become unsettled by the more than 1,000 letters he has written to the families of dead servicemen.

Buckle up, soldier!

Stop thinking about your tawdry little conscience and think of all that wonderful oil.

And keep your pen handy.

Seizure

In a ruling that would've surely pleased Papa Joe Stalin, the US Supreme Court held that the government can seize anyone's house for any reason whatsoever, expanding the Eminent Domain clause of the Fifth Amendment to the extent of effectively eliminating the once inalienable right of private property.

Again, Folly has the "liberals" on the Politburo to thank for paving the way to the authoritarian dystopia to come.

Totalitarianism's Little Helper

In aid of the grand cause of totalitarianism, Microsoft has banned the terms "freedom," "democracy," and "human rights" from its Chinese portal. If some miscreant attempts to enter such vileness, they receive the following reply: "This item should not contain forbidden speech, such as profanity."

Folly only wishes Microsoft would ban similar "profanity" on its English portal. As of today, you could still enter "Downing Street Memo," "Guantanamo Bay prisoner abuse," and "Tom DeLay corruption" on their site.

But as Scarlet O'Hara once famously said, "Tomorrow is another day."

The White Knight of Christ

Rep. John Hostettler accused those of sponsoring a bill against "coercive and abusive religious proselytizing" at the Air Force Academy of demonizing Christians.

The Faith is quite fortunate to have a man like Hostettler protecting its interests and making certain that all non-Christians at the Academy either repent their errors or leave in shame.

This, of course, is the same Rep. Hostettler who last year was convicted of attempting to carry a loaded gun onto an airline. But this is perfectly congruent with his devout Christianity, as the Gospels tell us that Christ often traveled with weapons.

Respect

CIA Director Porter Goss said recently that he has an "excellent idea" where Osama Bin Laden is hiding, but is having difficulty capturing him due to the "respect" the United States has for sovereign nations.

And if anyone doubts the veracity of this "respect," they can ask the former leaders of the formerly sovereign nations of Iraq and Afghanistan.

A New Vassal?

Senator Dick Durbin, whose party as of late has been using hyperbole to a greater extent than that of Folly Herself, recently compared the treatment of prisoners at Guantanamo Bay to the acts carried out by Pol Pot, who murdered at least a million people in Cambodia.

Hhmmm.

Perhaps Folly has a new vassal.

No Child Left Behind the Front Lines

It seems a little-known provision of the No Child Left Behind Act, which was supposed to help poorer children to achieve greater academic success, actually requires the schools receiving aid to give the military access to the personal information of their students, so that they can be better recruited to die on the battlefields of oil.

Folly is quite pleased to see that, for a few pieces of silver, the nation's schools are willing to sell out their charges. It gives the children a good example to follow, knowing that everything can be bought and sold, especially life.

Runoff

For the first time in the illustrious history of Iranian democracy, there will be a runoff election for the presidency.

In this election, you can choose an intolerant, reactionary cleric. And if he doesn't appeal to you, you can choose the other candidate: an intolerant, reactionary cleric.

Democracy: always so many choices.

Bewitched

Salem, Massachusetts, playfully nicknamed "Witch City" because they once murdered 20 innocent people accused of witchcraft, has unveiled a statue of Samantha Stevens, a television character from the old sitcom Bewitched, to help celebrate its rich history.

The statue will surely add to the allure of this tourist mecca, where fun can be found for the entire family.

Folly hopes that the good citizens of Dachau will take Salem's lead and erect a statue of Colonel Klink in front of their tourist attraction.

Forgiveness

Charles Robert Jenkins, returning to his hometown in North Carolina 40 years after defecting to North Korea, was greeted with the same Christian forgiveness for which the South is famous.

Vera Outland, one of his loving neighbors, told CNN, "I would have liked to have seen him lined up and shot like a traitor."

Folly believes that this is actually a direct quote from the Gospels, perhaps a little-known appendage to the Sermon on the Mount.

Raving Mad

Sir Bob Geldof was raving mad yesterday that people were scalping tickets to his Live 8 concert on eBay.

And rightfully so. For Sir Bob certainly has never profited from music, not from his records, not from his live performances, and not from his production companies; so, he can stand in judgment of others.

Fortunately, eBay acceded to the moral authority of Sir Bob and pulled all the auctions, even those whose proceeds were to benefit charity. For this concert is about something a lot bigger than charity, namely Sir Bob's ego.

Villainy

Last weekend in Bombay, more than 30 villains attacked three American missionaries, who were magnanimously attempting to convert the wretched heathens through the use of bribes, a tactic that would've most certainly been condoned by Christ, if not encouraged.

Where is the East India Company when they're needed to bring order to this g-dless land?

More Fun and Games

Time magazine is reporting more fun and games at the Guantanamo Bay resort.

It seems that a certain prisoner, who has never been charged with a crime, was forced to urinate in his pants, to endure night-long "interrogations" and month-long isolations, and to wear a sanbenito around his neck depicting scantly-clad young ladies.

And to think Amnesty International had the nerve to call this place a gulag. The Russians were never this creative. And they would, of course, convict the malfeasant of something before sending him there.

A New Venue

Stung by criticism that the Guantanamo Bay prison has become a modern-day gulag, the Bush Administration is looking for an alternative site.

It seems, though, as of now it has been unable to find another location that would allow them the same faculty to commit torture, humiliation, and other violations of the Geneva Convention in such an unfettered fashion.

But the important thing is that they're trying.

Get Your Rice Steamer

Cuban dictator Fidel Castro, unwilling to meet the fate of his fallen comrades in Europe, has come up with a unique way of keeping the worker's revolution alive: rice steamers, which he plans to distribute across the island.

The people of Cuba may not have freedom of expression, freedom of movement, or any freedom whatsoever; but they'll have perfectly cooked rice. Certainly a superior benefit.

Ah, Folly wishes She too were Cuban. And in a sense She is.

Saved

Folly's favorite presidential hopeful, Sen. Max Brownback, has courageous blocked the nomination of Julie Finley to the all-important post of Ambassador to the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe, because she dastardly supports abortion rights.

What was President Bush thinking in nominating someone whose thoughts aren't in line with the one true faith? Shame on him.

Thankfully, there is someone in Washington to save us from the evildoers, and who'll make sure that no one ever thinks bad thoughts.

No Hyperbole

Democratic Party Chairman Howard Dean recently said that Republicans "never made an honest living in their lives."

This is not a hyperbole, but an attempt on the part of Dean to revitalize the glorious class struggle that today exists only in North Korea.

Folly wonders if Dean each morning leads his comrades in a few verses of the Internationale.

"Arise ye workers from your slumbers . . ."

What Separation?

Texas governor Rick Perry, to show his support of theocracy, signed one of the most restrictive laws against abortion in America on church property.

Folly salutes him, not only for sending desperate young women back into the allies where they belong, but also for not pretending that such a thing as the separation of church and state even exists.

Perhaps one day he can follow his immediate predecessor and do for America what he's doing for Texas.

Just Suffer

The US Supreme Court ruled yesterday that the Federal government can prosecute medicinal users of marijuana even in states that allow its use.

Folly was happy to see the "liberals" on the Court support the power of the government over the individual, as they are nothing but cogs in a greater machine. At the same time, She was disappointed to see those two notorious freethinkers, Rehnquist and Thomas, in dissension.

And for those suffering in pain, just continue suffering. If it were good for Job, it'll be good for you, too.

Arrested

Actor Russell Crowe was arrested this morning for allegedly throwing a phone at a hotel employee.

What an outrage!

Not because he threw the phone, but because he was arrested.

When are the authorities going to learn that famous actors and athletes are not like ordinary people; that, based on their G-d-given gifts, are free to do whatever they please?

Folly takes some solace, however, in knowing that even if Crowe is convicted, unlike an ordinary person, he will never serve time for his actions.

Prison or Church

Folly is always looking for promising signs that America is headed on the path to theocracy.

She found one this week in of all places, Kentucky, that bastion of enlightened thought, where District Judge Michael Capterton has generously offered petty criminals a choice: either go to prison or attend church.

The Founding Fathers would be proud to see the laws that they established so flagrantly ignored in favor of a higher good.

What's a Little Urine?

A few weeks ago, when Newsweek reported that a Koran was flushed down a toilet at Guantanamo Bay, the US government was horrified. They ordered Newsweek to retract the story, and the magazine dutifully acquiesced.

Now, the US military has released what really happened.

It turns out that there was only minor abuse of the Koran, if such things can be considered abuse at all. The list includes spraying the Koran with urine, kicking and stomping on it, and desecrating it with profanity.

But just as long as it wasn't flushed down a toilet, . . .

Hail Staphorst!

A small Bible-belt town has taken the notable step of banning blasphemy within its limits.

What's notable about it is that it's not in the American Bible-belt, but in Staphorst, the heart of a Dutch one.

It stands as a testament to President Bush's promise to export American values to the rest of the world.

Death Throes

Vice-President Cheney, reassuring the American public during a surge of violence in Iraq, recently stated that the insurgency was in its "death throes."

Folly is certain that Roman emperor Honorius felt a similar sentiment, that the barbarians at his gate would simply tire of battle and go home, leaving his Empire to reign another 1,000 years.

Just like this one shall.

Hero of Our Time

Mark Felt, a former FBI official, finally admitted that he was the infamous Deep Throat, and is being lionized as a hero.

And so he should.

For here is a man who ratted out a president, not out of any moral conviction, but because he was past over for the FBI directorship; and who subsequently lied about it repeatedly for thirty years.

And let's not forget his other spectacular achievements, such as conducting illegal searches of those associated with the Weather Underground, for which he was convicted.

Bring out the gilded laurel!