Jesus in Bosnia

If you are making plans for a pilgrimage to Italy to see the moving Mary statue, Folly suggests that you add a leg to your itinerary: Bijeljina, Bosnia, where pilgrims are flocking to see an image of Christ in a section of a cut tree branch.

Pity He didn't make an appearance in Bosnia a few years earlier.

Censorship

Australia, which has a long history of fascination with all things American, has added yet another peculiarly American trend: censorship.

The Australian government has banned the computer game "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas."

Why?

Because the game contains hidden sex scenes that can be downloaded from the Internet. And everyone knows that anyone who witnesses sex will be turned into stone faster than Lot's wife.

Folly commends the formal penal colony in protecting its citizens against this dark light.

The Media is the Message

Russia, outraged that ABC News broadcast an interview with Chechen rebel leader Shamil Basayev, summoned the US Charge D'Affaires in Moscow to make a formal complaint.

Apparently the Russians are unaware that, unlike in their own country, the American government does not currently control the media.

But have patience, Rus, for your novel approach toward the dissemination of news is slowly making its way across the sea.

Pilgrimage to Acerra

Folly urges all Her followers to make a pilgrimage to Acerra, a small town outside Naples, Italy, to join the throngs of other believers in watching a statue of Mary move her legs.

That's right. Not satisfied with appearing in grilled cheese sandwiches and Chicago underpasses, She has animated a statue.

Perhaps some enterprising theologian will set up a Marycam, to show all the unbelievers this truly magical miracle.

Viva La Revolucion!

It was with a weeping joy that Folly yesterday joined the Cuban people in celebrating the anniversary of the Revolution, marking 52 years of blissful tyranny.

Viva la Revolucion! Viva Fidel!

Folly would like to know when is Stalin's birthday, so She can put Her party hat back on.

Big Brother Doesn't Smoke

New Jersey Democrats are proposing a new law that would prohibit smoking while driving.

Folly fully supports this measure. Big Brother doesn't smoke, so it cannot be allowed. It's for your own good.

Perhaps New Jersey can even use the enablements of the Patriot Act to track down smokers and make certain that they are suitably punished.

You shall obey.

Ban Divorce

Presidential aspirant and would-be inquisitor Rick Santorum writes in his new American gospels that divorce should be severely restricted.

And he's right. Couples should be forced to stay together, even if they despise each other, for the good of the state.

Folly hopes that we can return to the glorious days before Heretic Harry, where those wanting divorce required special papal dispensation. Only, instead of the pope, dispensation would be granted solely at the discretion of Santorum and his holy band of true believers.

Tax the Smut

Associated Press is reporting that a shrewd Democratic lawmaker will soon propose a 25% tax on Internet pornography.

And Folly sees this as a good thing, as it likely will do for pornography what high taxes do to any economic activity, smother it. This is a great way to promote censorship without getting anyone upset. For who on the left is going to protest a tax hike?

Torture is Good

In the last few days, the Bush administration has been feverishly trying to stop legislation by a treacherous band of Republican senators that would bar the "cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment" of detainees, hiding prisoners from the Red Cross, and using interrogation methods not authorized by a new Army field manual.

And well they should. For torture is good, clean fun; and should be encourage by Congress.

Just imagine if Nazis had been prevented from such actions. They wouldn't have been Nazis.

Permanent Unfreedom

In a brave vote of conscience, the US House of Representatives extended the Patriot Act indefinitely, guaranteeing that unfreedom shall rule the land forever.

America is now posed to become the police state the Soviets could only aspire to, and Orwell's grand and beautiful prophecy is finally within reach.

Ah, Dystopia. How lovely you look today.

Don't Get Sick in Oregon

The Oregon state legislature approved a bill requiring a prescription for over-the-counter cold medicine, as such products can be used to produce methamphetamine.

Folly hails this law, as it is most definitely the role of government to control every aspect of people's lives, and to make sure they're not doing anything bad, even if they are only doing it to themselves.

Perhaps next, they'll require prescriptions for nicotine, alcohol, and fatty foods.

No Regrets

US General William Westmoreland, the former commander of American troops in Vietnam who just died, is said to have had no regrets about the war.

And why should he have had? After all, he wasn't one of the 58,000 Americans who died for no apparent reason, save satiating Lyndon Johnson's bloated ego.

He can proceed to Valhalla with the clear conscience of a man who did good for his fellow brothers.

A New Record

J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince has broken UK book sales records. This means that it has sold more books than the works of Milton, Swift, Fielding, Byron, Dickens, Thackeray, Orwell, and all other minor British writers of their ilk.

From now on, Rowling's genius will be the benchmark against which all British literature will be compared, past, present, and future.

Dare Folly say that a Nobel Prize is on the horizon?

Spies Everywhere

According to CNN, the FBI has been collecting nearly 4,000 pages of records relating to the activities of the ACLU and Greenpeace.

Thanks to the Patriot Act, the government can now investigate anyone and everyone, whether or not they are engaged in illegal activities.

As J. Edgar Hoover looks up at us with a big smile.

Catholics Need Not Apply

Bethany Christian Services, a Christian-exclusive adoption agency in Mississippi, known the world over as a hotbed of tolerance, has been rejecting Catholic couples.

As so they should. For any proper Christian will tell you that you really aren't Christian unless you believe the Pope is the antichrist.

Get Your Hugs

Amma, an Indian guru called "the hugging saint" in her own country, is traveling through the US promising to heal any disease or ailment through a simple hug.

For those cynical people among us, no, she doesn't charge for these hugs. She shares her magical gift for free, through the kindness of her heart.

Of course, while you're being "healed," you can "optionally" purchase her books and CDs, or clothing and jewelry she has actually worn.

No, no scam here whatsoever.

The Vanguard of the Wholesome

The Parents Television Council has filed numerous complaints with the FCC over profanities aired during the recent Live 8 concert.

Folly is thankful for the PTC and other similar organizations, who, in the interest of all, studiously watch every single program, to make sure that nothing naughty is shown or said. For as we all know, a dirty word or a naked female breast can destroy a child.

And just think of all the time spent in these activities, time taken away from raising their own children.

Clinton to the Rescue

Nothing brings Folly greater happiness than when She sees those on left join their esteemed colleagues on the right in the promotion of censorship.

So She was quite gladdened to see potential presidential candidate Hillary Clinton demand federal "regulation" of violent video games.

If Hillary can keep up this demagoguery, she just might be able to claim the presidency after all.

Santorum Knows Best

Senator and 2008-presidential-hopeful Rick Santorum's new book, It Takes a Family, courageously takes stands against higher education for women as well as working women.

Hopefully, if he becomes president, these stands will turn into laws, and the nation can return to a gentler time where women were kept dumb and happy, smiling all the time.

Perhaps he can even get rid of that pesky amendment that gave women the right to vote. For shouldn't this truly be their husbands' responsibility? After all, they know best.

Not Treason

While it appears that hero knight Karl Rove leaked the name of an undercover CIA officer, ordinarily a federal offense, this should be by no means considered treason.

For it is never treason to commit treason for the good of one's country.

Just ask Benedict Arnold.

The Wall, Part II

The Israeli cabinet on Sunday affirmed a plan to build a wall surrounding Jerusalem, to keep the wicked Palestinians separated from G-d's Chosen People.

Folly suggests that, prior to construction, the Israelis consult the Germans, who have quite a bit of experience in building such structures.

Round Them Up

At the end of the film Casablanca, after Rick kills the Nazi major, Captain Renault tells his gendarmes to "Round up the usual suspects."

The Italian police must've seen this film recently. For, in the wake of the London attacks, they swept through the country and arrested 142 people.

It doesn't matter if any of these people are actually guilty of something. What matters is that they look like they're doing something.

Here's looking at you, kids.

Dumb Sheep

The Associated Press is reporting that a herd of 1,500 sheep in Turkey, under their own volition, jumped off a cliff to their deaths, one after the other.

Talk about dumb animals. Why didn't they simply wait until they could've been properly slaughtered?

Fortunately, humans are a lot smarter.

A Safer World

When the war on terrorism began, its stated goal was to create a safer world. The bombings yesterday in London are testament to the great success of this endeavor.

Hopefully, the cycle of violence will continue until we have an even safer world.

Law & Order

It should come as no surprise to a nation which routinely elects actors as governors, congressmen, and even presidents that President Bush should hired Fred Thompson to shepherd his future Supreme Court nominee.

Thompson, one of those aforementioned actors-cum-politicians, is best known for his role in the TV show Law & Order.

Folly, for the time being though, will withhold judgment about the appointment until She sees who's hired as screenwriters.

Inflation

When the Pentagon opened the latest bill from Haliburton, America's company, for services in Iraq, they may have been surprised to see that it increased a billion dollars for the same services they provided last year.

Or perhaps they weren't surprised. For what's a billion dollars? Especially when someone else is paying. And when it will ultimately benefit the glorious Vice-President and his deferred compensation.

Next year, make it two billion extra.

Pseudo Science

Actor and renown Scientologist Tom Cruise recently called psychiatry a "pseudo science." Of course, as opposed to Scientology.

Hence its name.

And as Cruise is the star of the hit movie War of the Worlds, he must be right. For when was the last time that Freud or Jung appeared in a Steven Spielberg film?

So, for all of you with clinical depression, stop taking your medicine and join Scientology. Give them your money, your obiedience, your soul; and it'll be all right.

It'll be all right.

Retaliation

After the Afghanis killed 16 US servicemen last week, retaliation was in order. So, yesterday the US bombed a village in the area of the attack, killing 17 civilians, including women and children.

The extra one was for good measure.

As the Holy Scriptures, the true American Constitution, tells us, "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth."

We'll just pretend that Matthew 5:38-39 doesn't exist.

The End of African Poverty

Yesterday, over a million people attended the ten free Live 8 concerts across the world; not to listen to music, but to end African poverty.

And this morning, African poverty has officially ended. Good job, Sir Bob.

Folly wonders if he can be knighted twice.

Joy

It was with great joy that Folly learned of the retirement of Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, for she was one of the few members of the Politburo to consistently and foolishly mix rationalism and moderation with her decisions, and one who stubbornly defended the right of the individual, an anachronism whose time has long since past.

And it's with even greater joy that Folly anticipates the nomination of her successor, someone who undoubtedly will be far more appealing to Her.

A Call to Arms

President Bush this week urged young people to enlist in the armed forces, to follow the glorious example set by him and other hawkish neocons such as Dick Cheney, Tom DeLay, Dennis Hastert, and Joe Lieberman.

For, of course, it would be entirely inappropriate to demand a sacrifice that you yourself were unwilling to make.