Let's Loot

As we see again and again, great tragedy always brings out the best in mankind.

The people of New Orleans, in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, with no electricity or running water, knowing that the National Guard is at limited strength due to Iraq, are showing their unity of purpose.

By looting.

All across the city, massive looting is reported. As well as carjackings, shootings, and other assorted fun.

Tomorrow your city is ruined, but tonight it's a blast.

One Man's Loss

Not everyone this morning is grieving over Hurricane Katrina.

The oil trade, never one not to take an advantage of a tragedy, is using the hurricane as an excuse for raising oil prices to over $70 a barrel.

Just as long as someone is profiting from the death and the destruction, it can't be all bad.

Old Time Religion

Folly's favorite church, Westboro Baptist of Kansas, better known by their Web site, g-dhatesfags.com (the name changed here to protect the pious) was back practicing their good old time religion this past weekend.

They protested outside the funerals of two servicemen killed in Iraq. Not because the men were gay, as they evidently were not, but to inform the nation that G-d is punishing the US for harboring gays by killing its soldiers.

Yes, if the US would just stop harboring gays, the good Lord would make sure no further soldiers die. Count on it.

It's up to you, Mr. President.

Iraqi Hands

The Iraqi parliament today agreed to a draft constitution, albeit without the support of the Sunnis.

But a civil war is something to think about far in the future. Today is a day for celebration.

Humam Hammoudi, a Shiite and the chairman of the drafting committee, congratulated the Iraqi people for "this constitution that was written by Iraqi hands," hands steadied by the firm grasp of a man named Sam.

Whose Country is It?

In an expression of unmitigated gall, the Uzbekistan's senate vote unanimously to expel the US military from its country, an important base in the continuing occupation of Afghanistan.

To whom do they think their country truly belongs?

It seems as if another Operation Enduring Freedom is needed. After all, the Uzbek government is not quite democratic enough.

Caliphate

Chairman of the Joint Chief of Staff General Richard Meyers said today the if the US were to leave Iraq, it could lead to the formation of a caliphate in the region, meaning a single Islamic country in place of the small, weak ones artificially created by Winston Churchill.

This can't be allowed to happen, as it would bring stability and give the Arabs the type of government most of them want.

The US must stay. It's for the Arabs own good.

Misinterpreted

Pat Robertson, facing a deluge of criticism after calling for the murder of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, said yesterday that his comments were misinterpreted.

And Folly believes him. After all, wasn't Christ misinterpeted? And isn't Robertson Christ's personal emmisary on Earth?

Robertson insists that when he said the US should "Take him out," he meant that they should kidnap him. And since there is no commandment that states, "Thou shall not kidnap leaders of foreign countries," it's okay.

It's okay.

Intelligent Design

Senator Bill Frist, attempting to get back into the good graces of the zealotry after withdrawing his support for the sanctity of stem cells, is proposing that intelligent design be taught in the public schools.

For those unhip, "intelligent design" is theocratspeak for "creationism." By using the word "intelligent," the theory instantly becomes . . . intelligent.

Folly suggests that the Flat Earth Society also come up a cool new name for their theory, in order to make it more scientifically valid as well.

An Apostle of Christ

Renown televangelist and apostle of Christ Pat Robertson yesterday called for the cold-blooded murder of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

In Roberston's version of the Gospels, Christ often called for the assassination of political leaders, especially when it would serve to stabilize the free flow of important natural resources such as oil.

Folly hopes that Robertson will distribute this version to the people, to replace the current one that seems to only advocate peace, love, and understanding.

Complete Folly

Senator Chuck Hagel yesterday said that the US Army plan to keep troops in Iraq for another four years was "complete folly."

Folly protests and demands an immediate apology from the senator.

Folly is not keeping the troops in Iraq for another four years. Folly was sending them there.

And She's d--- proud of it.

Tradition

The golf course used to be a shrine in which all forms of corruption were allowed on its hollowed grounds, far away from the prying eyes of the public. Sadly, this great American tradition is eroding.

Ohio Governor Bob Taft was convicted this week for not reporting golf outings paid by fundraisers and businessmen. Of course, who out there is so cynical to believe that these interests expected anything in return?

Fortunately for Mr. Taft, politics is the only profession in which you can be convicted of a crime and still keep your job.

Workers of Washington Unite

As payback to labor for helping her narrowly win the Washington governorship, Christine Greroire has given the Washington Federation of State Employees the right to fire any state worker who refuses to join the union.

But in exchange of their constitutional right of free association and the loss of their individuality, they get to become drones within a beautiful organism.

And, of course, it truly is better to teach ten thousand stars how not to dance than to learn from one bird how to sing.

Follow the Leader

US Vice-President Cheney yesterday bravely told a veterans' group that America "will not relent" in its occupation of Iraq.

It's quite apropos considering Cheney himself could've been a veteran; that is, if he hadn't "better things to do" during Vietnam and hadn't applied for five deferments, and if he hadn't gotten his wife pregnant immediately after the military lifted its ban on drafting married men with no children.

But in his heart he was with the boys back then, just like he is with them today.

Vigil

In a boon to candle manufacturers, liberals from across America lit candles in an anti-war vigil, certain that if President Bush could only see these magical lights, he would immediately end the war.

Fortunately, he hadn't; for as of this morning, the US was still occupying Iraq.

Whew. That was close.

Odessa Steps, American Style

In a scene reminiscent of Eisenstein's Battleship Potemkin, yesterday thousands of people violent stampeded at the Richmond International Raceway, the result of which included an elderly person thrown to the pavement and even a crushed baby carriage.

But unlike the film, or the actual event it depicted, the stampede was not caused by Cossacks, but by an even stronger force.

Cupidity.

Yes, these people became crazed not over any injustice but in pursuit of cheap laptops.

Folly wonders if Spielberg will direct the film version.

Command of the Wheel

Wonderfully intolerant politicians and clergymen from across America came together on Sunday at a Baptist church in Tennessee for Justice Sunday II, where they preached against judicial independence, secularism, and liberal democracy.

One of the speakers, Bill Donahue of the Catholic league, said that "Catholics and other Christians together, we are going to move to the front of the bus and take command of the wheel."

With these men at the command of wheel, and with Folly guiding their way, the bus will most certainly lead America forward to the glorious past.

Tasty Crow

Apparently nostalgic for a golden era of the past, Tyson Foods allegedly maintained a "Whites Only" bathroom at their poultry plant in Ashland, Alabama, and then administered disciplinary actions against two black employees who complained about it.

At least they weren't lynched.

Something to think about next time you take a bit of some tasty Tyson chicken. Or crow.

Begins with an "I"

Not satisfied with invading and occupying Iraq, President Bush recently strongly implied that he is considering military action against Iran.

And why not? After all, like Iraq its name also begins with an "I."

If Folly were Iceland, She'd be quite worried about now.

Zero Tolerance

The Republican Party, which purports to have zero tolerance when it comes to vote tampering, is paying the legal bills of James Tobin, a GOP official who has been charged with four felonies of guess what?

Vote tampering.

But this is no hypocrisy. They do have zero tolerance for vote tampering.

When the other guys do it.

If You Can't Beat Them, Smear Them

It's been long considered good politics that when faced with a battle you can't win, smear, smear, smear.

So when NARAL Pro-Choice America saw no way of defeating John Roberts fairly, they ran an ad stating that Roberts supported the bombing of abortion clinics.

It doesn't matter if this is completely false. Tell a lie, make it outrageous, and tell it over and over again. People will start believing it.

It worked for Goebbels.

Slop

Like pigs at the trough, it seems as if just about every US congressman lined up to get his or her own share of slop in the new transportation bill.

Almost 6,000 items in the nearly 300-billion-dollar piece of legislation are earmarked for individual legislators, many of which have nothing to do with transportation at all.

Taxpayer be damned. After all, whose money is it anyway?

Freedom Isn't Perversion

The conservative group, the Public Advocate of the United States, has withdrawn its support of Supreme Court nominee John Roberts, because the judge once helped overturn an anti-gay law in Colorado.

For, as its leader, Eugene Delgaudio, said recently, "Freedom isn't embracing perversion."

Folly strongly concurs.

Freedom is dogma. Freedom is self-hate. Freedom is denial.

It certainly ain't perversion.

Speak No Evil

Google recently informed CNET that it would not speak to any of its reporters for an entire year.

And why?

Because CNET dared write a story about the privacy dangers of Google's search engine.

Folly is quite pleased to see Google following in the footsteps of their patrons behind the Great Wall. The dissemination of news must be controlled, and those who deviate from the Party line must be punished.

A great leap forward for Google, indeed.

Go Home

For the past few days, Cindy Sheehan has been protesting outside President Bush's Crawford ranch, seemingly intent on disturbing the president's well-earned vacation.

And why?

It seems for some strange reason she's a little upset about her son dying in Iraq for no reason and wants to speak with the president.

Doesn't she realize that if the president spoke to every mother of every dead soldier he wouldn't have time to plan new invasions and/or occupations? And even more importantly, he'd never make his tee times.

Folly wonders if Mrs. Sheehan would truly want this tragedy on her conscience.

Go home, little mother. Perhaps it's not too late to bare another son who could one day die for this most noble cause.

Reductio ad absurdum

In the aftermath of the London bombings, Great Britain is adding new groups to the list of those banned in the country. Anyone associated with one of these groups faces a prison term of up to 10 years.

Of course, any organization added to the list can appeal to both the Home Secretary and to the courts. However, anyone making such an appeal would be, by definition, associated with such a group, and would hence face a prison term of up to 10 years.

Of course, a representative of this person could file an appeal. However, . . .

Reagangrad

Former US president Ronald Reagan, who already has an airport and a building named after him in Washington, DC, might soon be receiving a new tribute.

Rep. Henry Bonilla is proposing renaming 16th street, the thoroughfare that runs in front of the White House, Ronald Reagan Boulevard.

But why stop here? Why not rename the entire city Reagangrad? And then build a 100-foot statue of Reagan on Capitol Hill, where he can stand as shiny beacon smiling down on his beloved children.

Share the Torture

The United States is transferring over 100 Afghan prisoners from Guantanamo Bay back to Afghanistan, where they can be tortured in their own country.

For why should the US have all the fun?

Buy a Little Piece of Tyranny

Baidu, the top Chinese search engine, which gallantly helps maintain totalitarianism in China by making certain no one searches for anything evil, like democracy, is planning an IPO.

Just imagine: now you too can own a little piece of tyranny of your very own and help keep the Chinese police state thriving.

Not to mention make a pretty penny for yourself; or at least a few pieces of silver.

Unbeing and Nothingness

In the past few days, 20 American soldiers in Iraq have become unbeings, martyrs for no cause in particular; that is to say, they sacrificed themselves for the glory of Nothingness.

At least they died for something.

Cheaters Always Prosper

Yesterday, baseball player and All-American hero Rafael Palmeiro was suspended for steroid use, only a few months after he testified to Congress, under oath, that he never used steroids.

Let this be a lesson to our youth, that if you aspire to become a great athlete, a corporate executive, or even president of the United States, the way to get there is to cheat, to lie, and to steal.

For while fans may now boo and hiss Palmeiro for a period of time, they'll soon forget. And even if they didn't, no one will ever take away his records or the millions of dollars he's earned.

Or didn't earn.

A Sad Day for Democracy

It was with great sadness that Folly learned of the death of Saudi King Fahd, the cornerstone of President Bush's Wilsonian quest to make the Middle East safe for democracy.

It was with Fahd at the helm that Saudi Arabia emerged from an intolerant, authoritarian theocracy into the Rousseauean paradise it is today, a model the US uses for the entire region.

Let's hope King Abdullah carries on Fahd's wonderful accomplishments.

Long live the King!