Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Congress last week approved the spending of $131 million dollars of taxpayer money for "abstinence only" training programs in our schools. These wonderful programs teach children to disregard biology as well as demonize intimacy by explaining to them the fiery hell they will surely suffer for eternity if they dare to love one another.

But this is only one side of the proverbial coin. To truly mold our children into right-thinking Christians, we must not only teach them that love is wrong; we must also teach them that hate is right.

We must teach them that it is all right to kill innocent heathens, that it all right to sacrifice your life for the financial well-being of others, that it is all right to abuse and torture people that are different from ourselves.

Following these guidelines will not only create better citizens, but also better soldiers as we continue to pursue our tireless and endless crusade.