Spam is a Crime

A federal judge in Iowa just awarded a local ISP more than a billion dollars against three small companies that committed the heinous crime of sending spam. The defendants are only lucky that they didn't receive jail time for their abominable actions.

Don't they realize the proper way to send spam?

First, they must become large, multinational corporations. Second, instead of sending the spam over Internet, they need to send it through the post office in the form of circulars, which is much better because it must be physically thrown out, greatly increasing the amount of garbage in the environment.

By following these steps, they will cease being spammers, but instead complete a magical metamorphosis into advertisers, the pillars of our society.