Every Embryo is Sacred

On Sunday, Kansas Senator Max Brownback, a likely presidential candidate in 2008, decried stem-cell research, stating that "embryos are sacred."

This, of course, echoes a famous Monty Python song; the only difference being that Sen. Brownback is actually serious.

Folly asks all Her followers to pray for ascension of Brownback to the presidency, where he will put G-d and religion above all else. Even life itself.

Going in Circles

Yesterday, millions of Americans across the country sat motionless in front of their TVs watching the Indy 500. So, Folly decided to join in the fun.

And what did She see?

At the start of the race, She saw a bunch of cars going in circles, over and over and over again.

So, She tuned back a little later; and you'll never believe what She saw. A bunch of cars going in circles, over and over and over again.

At the end of the race, She came back again. And do you know what She saw? A bunch of cars going in circles, over and over and over again.

And after the race, because you can never have enough auto racing, Folly watched the Coca Cola 600. Any guesses to what She saw?

Thankfully, Americans have such wonderful sports to help them forget the tedium and the repetitiveness of their own lives.

It's Good to Be in Aurora

If you're looking for some free government handouts, Folly suggests you move to Aurora.

Why Aurora?

Aurora, a small city in Illinois, is the home of House Speaker Dennis Hastert; and as such, has received more than $24 million in "grants" since Hastert became Speaker in 1999.

The US taxpayers are extraordinary lucky to have such a stern opponent of big-spending government on their side.

More Than Worth It

It's being reported that impotence drugs like Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra can cause blindness.

But Folly believes in no way should this lower their use, as a single erection is certainly worth a lifetime of blindness. To see why, just watch one night of television advertisements.

That is, if you can still see.

Time to Reenlist

A group of more than 1,000 veterans, whose average age is 76, have filed a class-action lawsuit against Defense Secretary Rumsfeld over significant cuts in their medical services.

Talk about a frivolous lawsuit.

So what if these people put their lives on the line for the country and were promised lifelong health care. That was a long time ago; the armed forces needs to focus their almost limited resources on more important things. Like bombs.

However, if they really want health care, they can always reenlist.

Not Good Enough

Syria apparently expected kudos when they announced that they had detained 1,200 suspected insurgents attempting to enter Iraq.

But this is not good enough.

They should have sent them to Guantanamo Bay, where they and their Korans could have been properly tortured in what Amnesty International is calling "the gulag of our time."

Until they take such steps they will be considered nothing but a nation of outlaws.

Shortfall

It's being reported that China will face an annual coal shortage of 330 million tons, based on their projected level of consumption.

This could have tragic consequences, as it might mean they'll have to divert some of their slave labor from manufacturing to coal production, a far less profitable use of resources.

Of course, they could always just increase the number of slaves.

Higher Education

Move over Harvard, Princeton, and Yale; a new institute of "higher learning" is about to sweep you away.

Donald Trump announced the formation of the aptly, but modestly-named Trump University, to be available to future scholars online.

Folly can't wait for such courses as "Bankruptcy for Fun and Profit," "Getting Rich off Vice," and "Ego 101."

Keeping Crime Up

A New York state audit has shown that nearly 200 convicted rapists and other sexual offenders have been receiving Medicaid-subsidized Viagra for the last five years. Some of those convicted committed crimes against children as young as two years old.

But Folly sees no problem in having taxpayer money used for this purpose. Clearly, having an erection is a basic human right, even when used as a weapon.

Perhaps next the taxpayer can provide convicted armed robbers with cheap guns.

What's Good for California . . .

This weekend, Florida governor Jeb Bush has been helping California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, whose party doesn't control the state legislature, to raise money to support an initiative that would eliminate the gerrymandering of political districts.

Strangely enough, though, Bush is against the very same initiative in Florida. But Folly is certain that this has nothing to do with the fact that Bush's party controls the Florida legislature.

All the World's a Game

Showing the world just how far China's come, a top government official spoke at E3, the preeminent trade show for the computer gaming industry, detailing new games being developed in Chinese studios.

Folly is curious, though, when they'll be releasing Tiananmen Square: The Game, where hip young gamers get to ride cool-looking Chinese tanks and attempt to run over democracy protestors, motionless with fear.

It should be as challenging as the real thing.

The Vanguard of the Righteous

Ike Boutwell, owner of a theater in Elizabethtown, Kentucky took the unusual step of banning the film Monster-in-Law. Not because it was a bad film, but because it starred Vietnam-era activist Jane Fonda.

If only all theater owners were like Mr. Boutwell, the public would be able to go to the movies without ever thinking for themselves. Or thinking at all.

Fortunately for the fine people of Elizabethtown, Ms. Fonda doesn't make an appearance in Star Wars.

The French Aren't All Bad

The French, who generally snub their noses at all things American, and who steadfastly refused to participate in the Holy Crusade against the Infidel, aren't all bad. Star Wars 6, or Star Wars 3 if you count like George Lucas, is setting box office records in France.

Happily, the minds of the French people haven't been so polluted by their own middling directors, such as Renoir, Godard, and Truffaut, as to be unable to recognize true cinematic genius.

Folly wonders if it's playing at the Cinémathèque française.

A Present for a Pope

The parents of Terri Schiavo, as a thank you for the Pope's efforts in trying to keep Terri a vegetable eternally, have given the pontiff a framed picture of her.

Folly is certain that Christ's Vicar on Earth will hang this picture on his wall where it belongs, right next to those of the Savior and the Holy Mother.

Amen.

Leave the Ribbons Home

On Sunday, the Cathedral of St. Paul in Minnesota denied communion to more than 100 parishioners, who were wearing rainbow-colored ribbons to show their support for gay Catholics.

This policy is quite congruent with the teachings of Christ, who often ostracized those who were different.

So, next Sunday, leave the ribbons home. Along with your minds and your free will.

Backdown

The journalists at Newsweek, after seeing how their story about how American interrogators desecrated the Koran adversely affected American foreign policy, have courageously backed down by stating that the story was wrong.

If only the entire Forth Estate were populated by such brave patriots, who were willing to subordinate the truth for higher goals.

Edward R. Murrow would be proud.

Equation

Walmart recently published a full-page advertisement in a Flagstaff, Arizona newspaper depicting the Nazis burning books.

And what was the purpose of using such imagery?

Why, to show the evil of a proposed zoning ordinance that would've restricted Walmart from selling groceries.

Let's see: the mass burning of literature, science, and the humanities; compared to an inconvenience to a predatory, monopolistic supercorporation.

Perfectly equivalent.

Harry Potter and the Pot of Gold

Scholastic, Inc. announced an initial printing of 10.8 million hardcover copies of the next brilliant Harry Potter adventure. And this covers only the US.

Wow.

Potboilerists like Dickens, Dostoevsky, and Balzac were lucky they never had to compete with the likes of J.K. Rowling.

15 Months

The US Army, facing a severe shortage of recruits, is now offering potential fodder a 15-month tour of duty, instead of the typical 3- or 4-year tour, thus reducing the chances that they become martyrs in Iraq, Afghanistan, or wherever the War on Terror may pleasantly lead.

So, young man, you must ask yourself that eternal question once posed by the sage philosopher Dirty Harry, "Do you feel lucky?"

Mommie Dearest

Mercurial actress Sharon Stone has adopted her second baby, much like Joan Crawford, another fine mercurial actress from another era.

Evidently, there are no stable couples throughout America who would want to adopt a child.

But Folly is certain that the boy will have a normal, happy childhood. Just as long as he remembers not to use wire hangers.

Who Needs a Pension?

When the US Congress recently overhauled the bankruptcy laws, making it far more difficult to declare bankruptcy, the executives of United Airlines must've been nervous. But when they saw that it only affected poor people and not big corporations, they must've breathed a lot easier.

Yesterday, a bankruptcy court allowed United to bankrupt its pension plans, allowing United to renege on the contractual obligations they had made with their employees. The pensions will now be picked by the federal government; that is, the taxpayers, but only at 50 cents on the dollar.

But rest easy, United retirees, if you get hungry, you'll find the dog food in aisle 4.

Do As I Say

Spokane Mayor James West, a social conservative who's spoken out against homosexuality and teen sex, is being investigated whether he used a city computer to arrange a liaison with 17-year-old gay boy. It was also discovered that he sexually abused two boys, who were members of his Boy Scout troop, 25 years ago.

Now, this may seem to be a slight hypocrisy, but it really isn't. In today's world, words speak louder than actions. In today's world, those who judge needn't worry about being judged. In today's world, it is only those who sin who can cast the first stone.

And Folly couldn't be happier.

A Big Lie

Someone forgot to tell Victor Gonzalez that America has become a theocracy.

Otherwise, he would've never defaced a stain on a Chicago freeway underpass with the words "Big Lie." Of course, this was no ordinary stain, but a stain in the image of the Virgin Mary.

In a theocracy, the defilement of such an image is a crime. So, Mr. Gonzalez was properly arrested by the secular authorities.

No word yet from the Vatican whether they will be sending someone to put Mr. Gonzalez to the question.

Loser

Friday, US Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid said that president George W. Bush, unlike his father, one-term president George H. W. Bush, was a "loser."

Come again?

It's a good thing they don't give senators arithmetic tests.

Revisionism

President Bush, who will visit Moscow on the 60th anniversary of the "liberation" of Eastern Europe by Soviet forces, wants the Russians to renounce the occupation of the Baltic states.

But Russian leaders have accused Bush of revisionism. They insist that Lithuania, Latvia, and Estonia "willingly" accepted Soviet occupation, subjugation, and denigration.

And they're absolutely right. In fact, these countries accepted the Soviets with no less glee than the Iraqis have of their occupiers.

Send Your Children to Kansas

Just when it seemed the entire world had succumbed to the fallacy of evolutionism, the Kansas Board of Education seems intent on returning creationism back to its public schools.

Let's give three cheers and one cheer more for the sophisticated people of the Kansas. Their state will no longer be considered a backwater.

The minor problem of accounting for dinosaurs and other species whose fossils predate the Bible can easily be resolved by adding a few verses to Genesis.

Folly hopes that next semester the Board gets rid of all that Copernican nonsense and instead teaches their kids that the Earth is the center of the universe and decidedly flat.

Have Credit Card, Will Travel

Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, whose city faces a $230 million deficit, has be found to have charged in excess of $200,000 in travel and meals on the city credit card. The expenses included upscale restaurants across the country and high-priced champagne.

But it's okay, because Kilpatrick had previously agreed to cut his salary about $17,000 to help the city. So, the people of Detroit have most certainly come out ahead.

Folly sees a future in Congress for this paragon of civic responsibility.

Graft Knows No Party

It appears that Jack Abramoff, the famed lobbyist and friend of the American Indian -- who has allegedly given graft to both the US House Speaker and the glorious Commander of the Faithful, Tom DeLay -- isn't particularly dogmatic in regards to his politics.

The Washington Post is reporting the Abramoff gave free trips to the Northern Mariana Islands to Democratic congressmen James E. Clyburn and Bennie Thompson at a cost exceeding $15,000.

Folly is happy to see someone in Washington cross the great political divide.

Be Quiet and Die

Italian investigators have concluded that the US is at fault for the March 4 killing of intelligence agent Nicola Calipari, contradicting the US findings that the soldiers were entirely blameless. The Italians also complained about being denied access to the crime scene and duty logs, stating that the whole truth surrounding the shooting would likely never emerge.

Blah-blah-blah.

Fortunately, the US version holds. Now, go back to your posts like good soldiers and prepare to die.

Dr. Coburn Came to Washington

New US senators are similar to little children, in that they should be seen and not heard. They must also be obedient.

Someone, though, forgot to tell this to Dr. Tom Coburn. Since coming to Washington, he has had the audacity to speak out against wasteful spending. This alone is impardonable, but when the waste was iniated by his own party, it's treasonable.

But now he's getting his comeuppance. The Senate Ethics Committee is investigating Coburn for the vilest of sins: he went home to deliver a baby. What fiendish behavior, entirely unbecoming a senator.

Capra himself couldn't write a better plot; although he once came close.

A Philistine

The North Korean government recently called US president George Bush a "philistine," after the latter verbally attacked the last great vestige of Stalinism.

How apropos, considering Pyongyang is the very center of world art and cultural.