Farewell

After a full year of giving praise whenever it was due, and often even when it wasn't, Folly is tired and needs rest.

But She is confident that Her minions around the world will keep up their good work in Her name. And perhaps She'll again rise in another 500 years . . .

A Japanese Garden

Here he goes again.

Senator Tom Coburn, who in spite of being in the US Senate for nearly a full year still stubbornly believes government should be respondent to the needs of the people, proposed an amendment to the HHS and Education bill that would've transferred $60 million from a construction project at the Center for Disease Control into the AIDS Drug Assistance Program.

But this construction project isn't just any ordinary construction project. This one includes a Japanese garden and a stream for the agency's Atlanta campus.

What's more important: live AIDS patients or a scenic area for government employees?

The US Senate, 85-14, voted for the scenic area.

Perhaps next year Dr. Coburn will finally understand how government works.

Indicted for Patriotism

In one of the most egregious examples of legal skullduggery, Special Counsel Patrick Fitzgerald indicted Vice-President Cheney's Chief of Staff, Scooter Libby, effectively with the charge of patriotism.

For if Scooter indeed was responsible for leaking the name of a CIA operative, he did so because the operative's husband, Joseph Wilson, was undermining the case for invading Iraq.

If Wilson had succeeded, tens of thousands of Iraqis wouldn't have been killed, not to mention two thousand American soldiers, most of whom came from the country's lower classes.

Scooter had to do it, to show Wilson and others like him that no one can stand in the way of the iron fist of democracy.

Instead of an indictment, Scooter should be lionized; and most likely will, once President Bush eventually pardons him.

A Nice Three Months

While families across America struggle to pay for the rising price of gasoline, for the quarter ending September 30 Exxon Mobil reported a profit of nearly $10 billion. Billion.

Royal Dutch Shell reported $9 billion and BP reported $6.5 billion. Billion.

Greed certainly pays well. Very well.

Perhaps that's why She's Folly's best friend.

Compromise

With the US Senate foolishly attempting to ban the military from committing torture, Vice-President Cheney has once again come to the rescue, this time with a quite reasonable compromise.

Cheney's compromise is to forbid the armed forces from committing torture but allow the CIA to carry out any vile, inhuman act it wishes, even murder.

Just as long as someone can torture, Folly's fears will be abated.

Save the Goldfish

Rome, that center of humanitarianism that has given the world Julius Caesar, the Borgias, and Mussolini, has just enacted a law banning goldfish bowls.

For it's not nice to put little goldfishy in tiny glass bowls.

Of course, at the same time they are still sending their sons and daughters to kill and die in Iraq. But this is something completely different.

Watch Your W's and Q's

A Turkish court has fined 20 people for using letters Q and W on Kurdish placards. The two letters don't exist in the Turkish alphabet and are therefore unletters, use of which is clearly a crime.

-ith la-s like this, there is no -uestion Turkey -ill realize its dreams of full membership within the European community.

No Paperwork Needed

According to the Electronic Privacy Information Center, the FBI has been conducting clandestine operations on hundreds of US residents without proper paperwork or oversight.

This is good. What's not good is that the Electronic Privacy Information Center was able to obtain this information.

Hopefully, the next "patriot" act will do away with that silly Freedom of Information Act. Because half a police state is only half a police state.

Good Friends

It's always good to have friends in high places. Just ask Harriet Miers.

In 2000, she sold a parcel of land to the state of Texas for $100,000; a parcel that was worth $10,000.

And how was she able to do that?

It seems that the state committee that determined the price included her friends.

Good friends, it would appear.

Hoard for a Rainy Day

When an earthquake stroke Pakistan a few weeks ago, aid flooded in from around the world. In excess it would appear, even though many still desperately need tents.

According to Human Rights Watch, the Pakistani civil authorities, under military supervision, are hoarding tents and other relief supplies.

Why would they do this? You don't think they're transferring all these goods to the military in anticipation of a future war with India, do you?

Well, just as long as it's for a good cause.

Life is a Carnival

When Hurricane Katrina hit, Americans were asked to help. This included corporations, like Carnival Cruise Lines, which graciously offered their ships to the displaced. And at a fair price: $236 million, which may seem like a lot, but is only 50% more than they would've earned normally.

There is nothing wrong with price gouging, just as long as it's for a good cause.

Taunt and Burn

In video footage captured by Australias SBS network, US soldiers in Afghanistan, having a little fun, recently burned the bodies of two Taliban fighters and then taunted those that remained over loud speaker with the following:

"Taliban, you are all cowardly dogs. You allowed your fighters to be laid down facing west and burned. You are too scared to come down and retrieve their bodies."

It's good to see the US finally getting the hang of this war by completely dehumanizing itself and becoming just like the enemy.

Your Laser Printer is Watching

According to the Electronic Frontier Foundation, and apparently confirmed by the US Secret Service, most color laser printers print out a secret code that identifies the prints and helps governments identify who printed it.

Of course, no need to worry. They are only using it to track counterfeiters. No government organization would ever use such information for nefarious purposes.

Yes!

Diffusing fears that the Iraqis would not take to democracy, reports from Iraq's constitutional election are overwhelmingly positive.

According to Sunni leaders, police confiscated ballots boxes for districts strongly opposed to the new constitution, and that some "yes" districts had more votes than voters.

And in some provinces, "yes" received 99% of the vote.

This means that the election was not much different than any given election in the city of Chicago.

Hail, democracy!

Punishing the Sinners

The US military yesterday bombed two Iraqi villages, killing an estimated 70 insurgents, more than half of whom were diabolically dressed as civilians, including some who even pretended to be women and children.

Today we praise the Lord for punishing the sinners, knowing that even if there were a few innocents killed, He will certainly grant them mercy.

Bring Out Your Muslims

Since Thursday's attack in southern Russia by Islamic militants, the local authorities have been rounding up dozens of Muslims, whose only crime appears to be being Muslim.

Seems perfectly logical to Folly. The war on terrorism is in fact a religious war and needs to be approached that way.

It's what the terrorists would want.

Unamerican Girl

Two righteous Christian organizations are threatening to boycott American Girl, a manufacturer of children dolls, because the company is contributing funds to certain educational programs of Girls, Inc., a 150-year-old organization that supports inner-city girls.

And why is this a boycottable offense, you might ask?

Well, while Girls, Inc. may undoubtedly provide the type of private-sector charity work conservatives endorse, it also sinisterly supports abortion and gay rights.

No deviation from orthodoxy can be tolerated.

Folly supports this form of holy blackmail and hopes American Girl capitulates for the sake of G-d; or at least for the sake of its bottom line.

Save the Slush

That grand defender of the downtrodden proletariat, Massachusetts Senator John Kerry, yesterday came out against a California ballot initiative that would forbid trade unions from making political contributions without the permission of their membership, as it could severely limit the labor slush fund the Democratic Party relies on.

Folly fully supports Comrade Kerry. For the sake of the American way of life, political graft and corruption must continue unabated.

A Sacred Choice

President Bush, continually and unfairly questioned about why he would nominate an unqualified person to the Supreme Court, said he selected Harriet Miers in strong part because of her religion and her religious views.

This, of course, is quite congruent with a theocracy, so it should cause no one concern. Just imagine a judge during the great Inquisition who wasn't selected because of his religion and his religious views.

Book of the Year

Quite deservingly, author J.K. Rowling won the first ever Quill Award for Book of the Year in recognition of her literary masterpiece, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

Certainly there could not have been another book anywhere that wove such an intricate plot with such compelling characterization and brute intellectual power.

The Most Brilliant Man

According to former White House speechwriter David Frum, Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers once told him that Bush was "the most brilliant man she'd ever met."

This should give comfort to all those who question whether Miers has the intellectual heft to become a Supreme Court justice; because if she thinks Bush is smart, she herself must be smart as well.

Divine Retribution

Pop singer Madonna, a noted Kabbalahist, has provoked wrath with her new song about a 16th-century Jewish mystic, a wrath that might extend beyond the borders of our material world.

Rabbi Rafael Cohen, perhaps a distant cousin of Folly's own vassal, said, "Her act is just simply unacceptable and I can only sympathize for her because of the punishment that she is going to receive from the heavens."

Truer words cannot be spoken. For there can be no worst sinner on Earth for the good Lord to punish.

On His Hands

James Dobson, the great evangelical credited with warning Christendom of the evil of SpongeBob SquarePants, reportedly is having second thoughts on supporting Supreme Court Nominee Harriet Miers, saying that if she doesn't overturn Roe v. Wade, the blood of all aborted fetuses will be on his hands.

Little did ordinary Americans know that this man has the power overrule the President of the United States.

But then again, the very definition of theocracy is "a government ruled by or subject to religious authority."

A Bridge to Nowhere

For those who thinks the federal government wastes money, their minds would quickly change if could see the 223 million-dollar bridge the US is building in Ketchikan, Alaska.

True, Ketchikan is in the middle of nowhere and serves no useful purpose to anyone outside Ketchikan; and true, there already exists sufficient transportation options within Ketchikan.

But if a bridge must be built, why not build it in Ketchikan?

He Told Him So

For those wondering why President Bush invaded Iraq for seemingly no reason, BBC just may have the answer.

According to a new documentary, Bush told Palestinian Deputy Prime Minister Nabil Shaah that G-d said to him, "George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq."

See, he did have a good reason.

And for the sake of continuing the blood and the carnage, Folly hopes the good Lord never tells him to leave.

90 Dupes

Ninety US senators yesterday unwittingly became dupes of terrorism when they voted to prohibit the torturing of military prisoners. Only nine brave Christians had the foresight to understand that the only way to defeat terrorists is to succumb to their moral level.

Fortunately, the President has said that he will veto the legislation. And well he should, as it is presidential prerogative to torture people, even those not charged with crimes.

Quixotic

In an operation that would've surely pleased a certain knight-errant and his faithful companion, US troops are battling insurgents, seeking to retake three Euphrates River towns.

Of course, once they accomplish their mission and leave, the insurgents will return. But that doesn't make the mission any less meaningful.

No word yet as to whether they've encountered any windmills.

The Second Time's the Charm

In the second miscarriage of justice in as many weeks, the magnificent Commander of the Faithful, Congressman Tom DeLay, was wrongfully indicted for wrong doing.

But like the Savior, who was also falsely charged by the enemies of the Lord, this American Savior will also prevail.

If not in this life, in the next one.

Get Your Dancing Shoes Ready

With President Bush nominating for the Supreme Court Harriet Miers, a person who is a complete tabula rasa in regards to the law and the Constitution, Folly anticipates that during her confirmation hearing we'll be treated to another of what Senator Biden called a "Kabuki dance."

Hopefully, Biden will put on the same amusing display he entertained us with during the Roberts' confirmation. This time perhaps he'll bring his top hat and dancing shoes.

Another Success

The terrorist bombing in Bali, reputedly by al Qaeda operatives, is further proof that the war on terrorism is a rousing success. As such operation is just another example of a "death throe," as the glorious Vice-President would say.

The more death throes, the more success.

Keep bringing it on.

Think Good Thoughts

Little did Sandra Catena know that when she recently sat down on a New York City park bench waiting an arts festival to begin that she had committed a thought crime.

For, as this park bench was in a playground and she didn't have a child with her, she was immediately identified as pedophile and fined $1,000. Convicted without a trial, without evidence, without action of malice.

So, Folly recommends that next time you visit New York City, stay out of the parks and think only good thoughts.